TNA #50 Vixen The Original Foxy Chicks*

Vixen were the all female Bon Jovi which meant if you didn't like the music you could still ogle the band members despite the hairy chests! they "specialized in very slick, commercial, and glossy hard rock and pop-metal. Vixen was never a favorite among rock critics, whose barbs didn't prevent the band from selling millions of albums in the late '80s.  All Music

Despite this they were soon forgotten despite having the same memorable songs although it is rumoured their effect on the O-Zone lives on. The usual pix (Then & Now) plus more videos after the...

Gaga's Bad Metal Legacy

After chickening out of wearing a hijab made of bacon,
Lady Gaga went for a less controversial metal look.

In a recent post I highlighted a cover of Lady Gaga's metal classic Bad Romance. Whilst some of you may have been scratching the fleas on your head (Metal fans are supposed to not wash their hair if I remember the stories in the press rightly) most are busy looking at Jill Janus and Maria Brink's talents.

I digress, a simple search of the Lady Gaga metal phenomena was depressing. I love metal cover versions of dross pop songs, however the Lady Gaga covers are something else lacking humour and if anything trying to jump on a bandwagon. As reviewer Cynic wrote at Metal Underground

Instead of metal covers of [Gaga] songs being witty juxtapositions or ironic statements about the bubblegum nature of mainstream artists (which they probably wouldn't be even if she were bad), all these covers are just needless prostration at the feet of a "not that bad" artist. To me covering LG is like a red flag warning of a band that thinks they're doing something witty or original, but is in fact an unimaginative zeitgeist which shames us all as we sink into the cesspit of attention grabbing.

First up is the best of the covers I found, which I don't think is serious and shows little respect - and is all the better for it. Many others are after the jump but listen with caution as they are still dreadful, bar the Epic Metal cover, even with the amps turned up to 11. 

#TNA Lzzy Halestorm

Lzzy and some blokes who apparently play instuments

Halestorm hail [sic] from and were formed by siblings Elizabeth 'Lzzy' Arejay Hale having written songs  since 1997 an originally had their father playing bass. Surprisingly they have only released one eponymous studio album back in 2009 despite several EP's. Firmly in the hard rock sphere as shown by 2011's  ReAniMate:The CoVeRs eP, which covered [sic] Skid Row's 'Slave to the Grind', Guns N' Roses 'Out ta Get Me' and Lady Gaga's hard rock/metal classic 'Bad Romance. 

More pictures and some covers after the jump

8 year old Plays from F**king Heart

The parents of these children deserve so much respect whereas the parents of Rebecca Black deserve hanging. I may have to slightly amend the stance against children and music I made on Play From Your Fucking Heart!

...they should be banned from buying records so that rest of human existence don't have to suffer. The only time Tweenie music has ever been remotely acceptable is when these pop atrocities are ripped apart and covered by Thrash/Death metal bands as at least the kitsch value makes the result tolerable....the real culprits are the complete and utter bastard parents who allow their children to grow up with such appalling musical taste. This is totally devastating to children's lives and causes everlasting, painful scars. There are laws to protect children...these adults are feeding the children the musical equivalent of supersized fast food…bland, soulless, tasteless, pasteurised piffle that is slowly killing them!

The lyrics may need some work (or she can do some vocal fry and then I won't care what the words were) but I find this hard to fault. 

Who Said Rock Stars are Dumb?*

Far right none other than Professor Brian Cox
Second from left Darren Wharton ex Thin Lizzy (keyboards)

In the late 80's there was some very dodgy music which was killed off by the Grunge wave of Nirvana. This was a shame as how are you supposed to romance ladies with a song like Polly when a ballad with a ball wrenching solo...and before you diss the softer side of rock, listen to Thin Lizzy of the greatest rock bands of all time after the jump. In the meantime here is physicist Professor Brian Cox is his Glam Rocking prime, in possibly Dare's only remotely rocking track. 

*I did, but I was commenting on Kid Rock who is not even in the same league as Forest Gump

Fools For Rowan Dead

No one ever said you had to listen to the music here. As Shaman we appreciate quiet reflection. How can you not admire a girl who wears an AC/DC shirt. Download the CD for nothing - and legitimately here.

GingerAlchemy: The Spirit of the BachNuge

Mötley Crüe last played Wembley Arena supported by Skid Row in November 1989*. They had delusions of grandeur and falling roofs fuelled by Dr. Feelgood in one way or another. Then Vince left. Like Van Halen without the Dockland Light Railway (DLR) you end up seeing the arse of Skid Row. 

This year the Great Spirit of the BachNuge is resurrected on stage in a great flame of ego when Steel Panther slay the lingering stench of White Lion [possibly the "most ridiculous excuse since Motley Crüe blamed "too much snow on the roof' for the cancellation of a show at Wembley in 1988.] With Ginger Alchemy being performed in London they will Defend these Bastard Isles from the winds threatening to blow the roof off. It will be Wembley Arena's first Open Air concert as they blow the roof off. 

Eva Rose are not Best Left Alone

Eva Rose are a British all girl band and are very impressive. Not Metal but I don't care, this is mighty fine rock, with tight rhythms and harmonies and I make the rules ;) Their acoustic cover of Jar of Hearts was smooth. I'm hoping to persuade them to do a rock version. 

PXNDX+LOVE

America may be trying to foment War with Mexico, even sending in 50,000 invading grunts, but whilst there is Panda Love there is always hope. The Schmolli One taught me the virtues of Panda+Love so even if this post may include a ballad, you can say No to Panda, 'cos I'm not!

Death Metal Friday: Rebecca Black

Apparently Rebecca Black did a very bad cover version of this:

Teletubbies - Brutal Death

How to get kids into Metal:

Teletubbies say 'Uggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh'



Song From Prostitute Disfigurement Freaking on the Mutilated (Left in Grisly Fashion Album).

Tainted Love

Because the version on X-Factor was so appalling, I thought I'd combat their evil with the High Priest of Evil himself Mazza:

Lick it Up

I really liked this KISS song until I saw this video. I could not care less if was the early eighties - it's still wrong!

Bon Jovi Must Die...

...For crimes against Metal. However, until that day comes, Steel Panther are slaying him musically. Music Parody at it's best.

After the jump Justin Hawkins sings with Steel Panther. If you don't know who Justin is and that his band reformed, shame on you! You can never be a Rock Shaman. 

Rocks Darkest Days TNA#5: Thar She Blows

Steel Panther have captured the sound and pretty much the sentiment of 1980's hard rock also known as Self Proclaimed Metal which can often be a bit like Rock Night on the X-Factor. They are Mötley Crüe, Van Halen, Poison all rolled into one fine piss take, just like the Darkness. The latest Kerrang! said the jokes aren't as good on the new album, but I will let the music do the talking. The world needs them now:

#OccupyFriday: Killing in the Name Of Peace

In the days of my youth I didn't get Rage Against the Machine as they were too angry, yet somehow Slayer were fine? How little I knew that Rage would rise from the flames and burn the Simon Cowel Beast by taking the Number One slot in the UK. That surely makes them Metal Gods?

This is the first in a series of posts commencing each Friday, looking at the long history of protest rock/metal and the many damn fine songs it spawned. It may seem odd to some that despite appearances, Metalheads obsessed with blood and gore are really pacifists highlighting the brutality of our society - even when we ask them to Sniff the Glove. One of the most ironic and stupid criticisms labelled at Heavy Metal is in regards to its alleged violence is that most of the bastards trying to ban Metal in the first place are quite happy to cheer lead blowing the holy living shit out of brown people abroad and sending the poor children of American to do it on their behalf. YES I AM TALKING ABOUT YOU TIPPER WHORE! They will be the first against the wall in my revolution for crimes against humanity, although I am partial to the guillotine as proposed by Roseanne Barr - but this is a Metal thing. On the other hand I do want to commemorate the PMRC for services to Metal thanks to Parental Advisory Stickers. 

Because swearing is more offensive than 

cheer leading wars, increasing poverty 

and paying the tithe to the Kraken

However, a new breed of rock stars who are so incredibly dumb that I will use them a human shields and they will do it willingly for 'mah cuntry'. YES I AM TALKING ABOUT YOU KID ROCK YOU COCK SUCKING MORON. His music sucks ass and when an American Rabbi takes offence to your moronic patriotism - you are in an idiotic league of your own. Because a true patriot, someone who really loves their land, laws and institutions does not needless send children to fight wars so corporations can profit. Defending your island is one thing becoming cannon fodder for shareholders is another. 

If you are interested, these are some anti-war/protest songs I've already posted. 

Now let us Pray for Peace by shredding the bastards who stand in our way. The Mystical Lines of Power can slay anything or anyone. 

m(_ _)m

Remixes over at Mash Up Ginger, RATM Vids (w/Lyrics) and with Lyrics after the jump. 

#OccupyFriday: Who Wants to be Filthy Fucking Rich?

The Original Occupy Wall Street directed by Michael Moore from 2000:

Maiden Goes to Hollywood

This is what happens when Maiden met Frankie goes to Hollywood. Very, very tastefully done and the addition of Ian McKellen reciting Rhyme of the Ancient Mariner speech shows that Wax Audio is a genius.

[MP3]

Maiden Goes to Hollywood:

Iron Maiden - The Rime of the Ancient Mariner - Powerslave (1984)

Iron Maiden - Moonchild - Seventh Son of a Seventh Son (1988) 

Iron Maiden - The Rime of the Ancient Mariner (Live) 

Live After Death (1984) - Iron Maiden

Only the Good Die Young - Seventh Son of a Seventh Son (1988) 

Frankie Goes to Hollywood - Relax - Welcome to the Pleasuredome (1984)

Frankie Goes to Hollywood - Relax (12" New York Mix - 1984)

Frankie Goes to Hollywood - The World is My Oyster - Welcome to the Pleasuredome (1984) 

Frankie Goes to Hollywood - Welcome to the Pleasuredome - Welcome to the Pleasuredome (1984)

Ian McKellen - The Rime of the Ancient Mariner - Recited for BBC Radio (2007)

Gyorgy Ligeti - Requiem For Soprano, Mezzo Soprano, Two Mixed Choirs & Orchestra (1963-65)

Denim and Leather

Saxon were never made for the video age.

The stills in this video were the least offensive option:

A Classic Rock song, unlike the sell out from 1988, which is okay but is it Saxon? This is why Saxon can never be Rock Shaman despite the heritage.

Trailer Thrash

When you climb the greasy pole of fame and fortune, subject to the whims of a public told what to believe anything is possible. Even this: